I’ve always been a sort of Pollyanna. I’m a realist but at the same time I try to always believe the best in people and assume people believe the best in what I say and do. I’m pretty real, it’s hard to hide how I feel and it’s tough to lie to someone’s face when they ask how I’m doing. Don’t get me wrong, I get that people don’t really want to hear a 15 minutes answer to “how are you?” but I’ll easily say something vague like, “OK, hanging in there” which isn’t a lie but doesn’t necessarily launch our lightweight conversation into outer space either. In the same breath I often tell people exactly what I am feeling through the pain. In the midst. I share the ugly, asking for prayer.
Here’s the thing that I’ve realized this year. Although we all have problems, pain and areas that we know need improvement, when someone is going though a great time in their life they really don’t want to hear about the crap someone else is going through. It’s not intentional, not mean-spirited but some people get overwhelmed listening to others’ problems.
Personally I don’t- if someone is going through a hard time, I can to listen to them, perhaps pray with them and then when we aren’t together, it’s on the shelf, so to speak.
What I’m trying to say is that I’ve realized that I can stress others out with my reality. I don’t want to. It’s not my goal but me sharing where I am in life is kind of a downer right now to others. I struggle sometimes with the fact I have a special needs child. I am not happy with my weight. My heart hurts for Ben who is between jobs. Money is clearly an issue. There are stresses and tensions on our marriage.
Things are looking bad, really bad on the outside right now and I’m sorry if that is hard for you to hear… but you know what? There is LIFE among the broken, blackened pieces. Grace surrounds us tightly like an embrace, keeping us standing tall. It hurts to feel sometimes, and it’s isolating as I struggle to relate and not over share, but I know I am not alone.
I crave simple beauty, smiles from happy kids and sun kissed raindrops after a storm. I know this isn’t IT. This isn’t ALL. And I know I’m being unbelievably cheesy and that is ok. My life is evolving, unfolding and I’m growing up. I see the world for what it is, but with a chance of redemption. I’m in step, listening, seeking and asking. Thank you for being a part of my journey, your comments and e-mails are more encouraging than I can say and I’m sorry if I don’t always get back with you quickly. You are important to me.