The Sickies: I was sick over the weekend, Bug got a fever TONIGHT. BAH.
I don’t have a lot of sympathy for the chronically ill. It’s not like I mean to be unkind or lack in sympathy, it’s just like, Umm yeah, that’s old news that you have a headache… or whatever. About the third day of pain at a 9 on a scale of 10 that hydracodine wasn’t touching including a migraine yesterday that had me seeing flashes of light as I tried not to move in my dark room… I was trying to find a new way to tell Ben that I had a headache and my throat hurt. Cause he can only feel bad for me for so long… SO the fact is that I want to be more sympathetic to people who feel like that all the time. I want to remember how much pain I was in and care for them, however I should.
I had time to think… laying in bed for days on end… and I made so many new promises, changes on life and crazy vows to fill 10 years worth of missed New Years Resolutions. I decided never to drink again. I decided never to drink caffeine again. I decided to eat only fruits and veggies with occasional protein and gluten free grains. I would take certain herbs. I would exercise frequently. I would figure out my heath issues, I WILL find out about my heath issues. I carefully orquestrated plans on a massive scale to map every part of my life in a controlled, orderly fashion. I slept on and on, delusion from fevers and painkillers. I found myself at one point earnestly talking to someone then woke myself up talking outloud.
Sickness happens. We try to control our destiny and the more control we have the more power we feel. I didn’t realize how many control issues I had… I figured I was being healthy and organized. BUT… life isn’t about US being in control. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to take care of my body in heathy, not obsessive, ways but I think what I realized was that I was not trusting in God. At ALL. I’m not perfect and you guys might see me on some weird cleanse in the next few weeks, but I’m working on it. Taking steps, little ones, and honestly it took me starting to write this post to even realize that I felt this way.
So now, for me, as cheesy as this sounds, is that I’m going to choose light, truth and beauty. …and I found it ironic I snapped a pic of me laying in the sun today… 
Blessings.
in the Light