Do you ever have one of those moments where you are like, “I’m going crazy”?
I’m coming in the door from Sam’s club with my arms full, trying to keep Summit from drinking my Dr. Pepper, and he spits up on the lid and it starts to slowly drain into my cup, and I’m like “noooooooo!” In slow motion.
We get inside, dump the kiddo on the ground (gently of course), empty out the car, get turkey out to slice, look in the living room and realize kiddo is pooping in his diaper and because I wasn’t good about listening/watching him last week, b/c I was busy and gone every day until 9 pm, he has reverted back to pooping in his diaper. (that was a heck of a run-on sentence there, I’m all out of breath) I run him into the bathroom, stripping him as we go, (did I tell you he’s been potty trained until this last week? He’d cry any time he has to poop with a 95% success rate, and about 60% on peeing.) and he’s laughing while sitting on the toilet like “Hah!”. He is finished, of course, by that time. He tries just the same to please me by making an attempt while I’m hearing in my head, “don’t push potty training, if you push him he’ll revert back completely to diapers,” and I think, “well, that wouldn’t really be that bad”. He happily pushes and something comes out… the wrong end… sidenote: when does spit up become throw up? All over the toilet seat, the floor and me. it’s chunky, and smells. Okie dokie. I get back to my bed and take off his soaked shirt and go to put another diaper, (him with a poopie butt b/c I left the wipes in the bedroom) and notice that Crap, there’s crap on my bedspread, how did that get there? When I took off the first diaper? and I move him, Crap! There’s more Crap! I shouldn’t be saying Crap! What kind of example am I? What should I say instead? “Pooh on a stick”, no, I don’t want him saying that either… I get made fun of for saying “fudge” or “for Pete’s Sake”…
Crap! Where are my diapers? In the garage… I move my naked baby to floor for safety. Run to the garage! Run back. Summit is pulling up on my fan, I save child from his fingers getting potentially chopped off…. not that the fan is going, but this is a good lesson… or something. Put diaper on him, clean bed spread as best as I can-
Crap! I left my meat sitting out on the counter! Hope my hungry cats are well trained… YESSSS! no teeth marks on my smoked turkey. Start to slice, peripheral vision catches Summit crawling… to fan. Speed of light washing of hands- don’t want to give Summit e coli or something- save him again. Have to remember he crawls. Put him safely- naked- in high chair. Pour water b/c am extremely dehydrated now from all this running. Give Summit turkey, string cheese and blueberries. Mistake flying blueberry for one of many flies in my kitchen. Where do they come from?? Need to disinfect counter top again… Hope he is getting adequate nutrition, he won’t eat veggies. Cut Turkey, snack on turkey. Turkey is tasty. Too tasty to be healthy, want to check label for sodium content but label is crumpled in trash being eyed very lustily by cats. Wonder if I’m harming baby by giving him tasty turkey. Consider giving baby himeleck maneuver when he takes a big bite of cheese and chokes. He gags it up. Relieved b/c I don’t know himeleck maneuver or how to spell it. Wish I would have taken baby lifesaving course and thankful for spell check even though I spell so poorly it’s not giving me any suggestions for “Himeleck maneuver”.
Run to get something in bedroom. Hear Crash. Heart pounding, I’m going to be on the front cover of every newspaper, “Negligent mother lets baby crash to floor.” OK, he’s still in high chair, just knocked over my just filled cup. Genius idea to put full cup next to Summit and leave. Find that all but one dish towel is dirty. Find used beach towel to finish up mopping of floor. Go back to wondering if Summit is getting all nutrition he needs. Remember vitamins that I haven’t given him in a week and give to baby. Also, make mental note to create on line blog for moms for nutrition/recipes for baby. Think Summit must be done eating, he has ate so much! Anger baby by attempting to clean. Get baby out, put on floor and realize that the big appetite is really food under his bottom in high chair and stuck to legs. (sigh.)
Wonder why I call myself a stay at home mom when I never do. Vow to stay at home more, read to Summit more often, make home-made meals from scratch and, of course, loose that pesky baby weight. Clean counter top, high chair, bib, put up food… think that baby smelled a lot like Turkey and go check on him b/c said cat is not under trash bag anymore. He’s fine. Why did I even think my precious carnivore would… well, just won’t go there. Still thirsty, go to fill water and to blog for sanity and release. Feel tug on jeans and look down. Summit is smiling back up at me. I realize it’s all worth it and pick him up.