2013
I think it’s a good idea to process each year as it comes to a close. There is something therapeutic about it, as though I’m finally purging and moving on from a relationship that was meant to end, although I remember the good times as I digest it all.
I found myself doing the shallow tally first, focusing on the wins and losses of the things that don’t matter but we highly value for that season (although have no recollection a few years down the road of them. —Dang it! the weight I lost is baaaaaack…).
I take a sip of too hot, black coffee and wince, the burn filling my mouth and I think of Isaiah 6 and the burning coal on his lips.
Life hurts doesn’t it?
I think that looking back, most of us can acknowledge some good in a hurt or harsh season. Those times where we grew as people, our inner selves strengthened up a bit even as a little more weary appears on our faces.
Growing up hurts too doesn’t it?
I don’t see how the older I get the more flaws I seem to have. Not in a self-deprecating kind of way, just the wow factor I get sometimes when I’m confronted with the mirror of my inner self- where did THAT sin come from, God? I had no idea I was capable of THAT, and God smiles wryly.
2013 was about rediscovering a lot of lost things, reclaiming retreated ground in my life and refining my calloused and bruised self. It’s kind of like 2013 was a deep tissue massage on my insides and soul- so painful in the moment and yet I sit here feeling inner self smooshy and happy that I went through it all. ((smooshy is right…. Oy I wintered well! Self-love was one of the biggest things that I learned this year and right now I’m being challenged as my pants protest their zipper! ))
I am ready for 2014. I’m excited! I have lists, plans, goals but ultimately I just want to rest, to be and to simmer in the presence of God.
I hope that I get into shape, I hope that I have more discipline, I hope I eat healthier and lose a bazillion pounds, I hope my strategy and plans for both my professional and personal lives are met but really, it doesn’t matter.
Because you see, this last year was about letting go of “me”.
I feel a promise unfolding in front of me. Like a pop up book, things and people keep appearing me, surprising but just so right. 2014 is going to be a year of answered prayers, blessings, burning and purifying. Preparation.
You just watch. Watch me this year.
I feel it.
I receive it.
Happy New Year, ya’ll.
