I wonder how many people blog for sanity? I know I do, somehow putting my feelings out there for anyone to read is freeing! The strangeness of it strikes me sometimes…
I was in Wal-Mart today and as I was walking down the condiment and coffee aisle I started to cry. I wasn’t like this before I had children, now it’s like my body wants to make up for years of being deprived in the emotional department or something. It’s very unpleasant, I enjoyed being in control of my emotions before, this random crying thing isn’t fair! So, I was doing the Beth Moore “arrow” prayers, saying thanks for Wal-Mart even though I think it’s the devil sometimes, and it struck me how much I had. I was buying groceries with enough freedom to get in general what I want (I didn’t really need the navy-blue boat shoes that were oh-so-cute in the strategically re-placed shoe aisle that is now by the frozen section) but I still sighed over the lovely bag of cherries that I wanted but knew wasn’t in the budget.
Just being married to a wonderful, Christian man that I constantly take for granted, having a child I call perfect so much he’ll need counseling to be told he is not the center of the universe, and such amazing family and in-laws is overwhelming somtimes! Besides me needing a jaw surgery, Summit needing eye surgery and Ben’s back pain we have our health. I’m not being sarcastic here, we don’t have cancer we are battling, Summit doesn’t have a host of other issues that I see two times a week at the Elizabeth Richardson center and I feel pretty good most of the time (unless I eat chewy foods!!! :). We live in a house, not an apartment. We have debt but both of our cars are paid off. I wish I was skinny but I’ve lost 2/3’s of the 60 lbs. of baby weight I put on!!!! I live in a country where I don’t fear for my life everyday and I have hope of a good life.
I have a wonderful library in my itunes and it soothes my soul and makes me lift up my hands to heaven while sitting on my folding chair near my window where I can look out at my beautiful tree-filled back lot. There is a spot in the corner of my yard where all the trees behind my fence kind of overlap high in the air and create a natural cathedral of greenery where the light filters through like stained glass and I think how pleased God is with this. It is good. I think how much happier God is with his natural cathedral with all it’s splendor than all the brick and mortar ones with their glass windows that block out his sky. My soul is at rest today and I am thankful for that too.