For all of you Oasis lovers…man I loved them! I used to listen to Wonderwall and Champagne Supernova constantly on the radio at night. I even made compilation tapes from the radio with them and the likes of Selena and Sophie B. Hawkins among other 90’s greats.
I feel like a supernova lately. Before you wikipedia it to find out what that is, I’ll explain a little. And admit it, you were thinking about it, even though you kinda know what a supernova is! So a simplified version is: ya know how a light bulb gets really bright right before it goes out? that’s like what a supernova is on interstellar space level.
I’m running out of gas or steam, or whatever. I keep losing and losing and stretching myself thinner and thinner. I can’t keep going on like this. I’m shining brighter and brighter. I’m freakin’ glowing. I need to re-charge, re-focus, re-direct. I need to be filled. My hot air balloon of a life is just hanging on by a few ropes. One by one they keep getting snipped away, ricocheting back up by the sheer force of the weight and damaging the poor balloon.
Looking at my above paragraph I find it ironic that I chose something that flew to describe how I felt! I feel instead like I’m about to crash or implode. I feel like I’m about to become a dark, empty crater of my formally sunny self. Maybe that’s it though, the flying part and not the crashing, empty shell stuff. Perhaps I’m being released to do something great, something better even though right now its just really plain scary. and very painful. My mom says that I don’t like change, that it’s hard for me, but I don’t know if I agree. I like to think that I embrace change, but maybe I don’t know myself as well as I think I do. I long for sleep, good deep restful sleep where when I wake up everything will be new.