when I was young, I’d hold my breath and go under the water in a swimming pool in the summer. I’d turn over and look up at the surface, how the sunlight would come through the water and thought it was so beautiful. Today I sleep with 3 comforters on me, not so much for the heat, but I love the weight and also think this is beautiful. Winter is here. The cold, dead time of year and for once I welcome it with open arms. The silence, the absolute silence of winter used to frighten me but now I feel it, I rejoice in it. To just hear the ringing in my ears and the sound of my own breath is theraputic somehow in the way that laying at the bottom of the pool was.
On another note, going to a ho-down is also very therapeutic and if you have the option to go to one I highly recommend it. Fiddles, fire pits, crazy dance skills, (not my own) and grill-on-the-fire-food all make for a wonderous distracting time. Western outfits galore- myself in pigtails, cowboy boots with the jeans tucked in and a classy western vest doing a Ashley Simpson-esque ho-down- were quite the recipe of happiness in chaos. The eye of the hurricane. Summit loved it! The only time he cried was during Adam and some kid’s “Brokeback Mountain” inspired interpretative dance to “Turn Around (Bright Eyes)” which has to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life. Well, other than the fact Summit was crying b/c all the attention had turned away from him. It was cold, very cold so we stayed in the house most of the time. The weird thing is that his bad cough pretty much went away from being in the cold. Can’t figure that one out, I thought I was being a bad mom even taking him outside bundled up, but he was feeling so much better after night time air exposure. We stayed too late of course, but Summit was in his element and sleep is never an option! He went straight to bed after we got home, though. He’s such a good baby. He’s so happy when he can entertain. so many people have said to me that they don’t like babies but that they like Summit. He has the ability to cross boundaries people put up and change their minds, I am finding out that he opens doors for me.
On a dark humor note, I’ve seen the lowest number on my scale that I’ve seen since I was in my 2 or 3rd month of pregnancy. It seems that my inability to chew coupled with Summit diagnostic-inspired-depression is reaping unexpected but highly appreciated results. Also, even as I occasionally (every other minute?!) think I’m falling down a spiral staircase in dark depression I find my soul thanking God, even as the tears pour out onto the ground. I’m so thankful that I was born here, I’m so thankful for my friends and family, I’m so thankful of the support group that is surrounding me, I’m so thankful for the others that are praying for me, I’m thankful he’s already in therapy, I’m thankful he’s not terminal, I’m thankful for him and for God blessing me with him.