Single (again) and Lovin’ it?

Hello again!

One of the neat things about the writers on this blog is that we are all at different stages of life:  Sherry is single, never married; Katy is married, with furry kids only; Heidi is married, with 2 adorable children; and I am a divorced single mom, with three amazing kids.

We are going to do some posts that talk about where we are at in life as far as relationships go and I am very excited to hear their stories!

I don’t want to bore you with all the details, but I do need to give you a little background, so let’s bullet point it to make it easy:

• *I got pregnant and gave a baby up for adoption when I was 19…(more on this on a different post)
• *I got married 2 months after giving birth.
• *Married for 14 years, 3 amazing kids.
• *Divorced for 3 years this December.

Okay, so we are all up to speed…Getting married right out of high school, and moving from my parents house to my spouses house obviously didn’t give me any time to experience really being single.  I will go out on a limb and say that I still don’t feel that I truly grasp what being  ‘single’ is all about, because having the kids around full time doesn’t allow the loneliness that so many others talk about sink in.

Being newly divorced I found myself with so many freedoms, but at the same time so many restrictions.  My time was my own (minus what had to be done with the kids), my finances were my own (this was a freedom as well as a restriction), and I didn’t have guilt when I didn’t cook a full blown meal every night (I will admit that I have totally taken advantage of this and probably need some accountability here, but not right now, and not from you. LOL).

I made some wise decisions and some not so wise decisions.  I have a wonderful family that loves unconditionally, that is very supportive and wants the best for me, but who are willing to let me find out for myself what that is. Sometimes with gentle guidance, and most of the time with a lot of teasing!  😉

Here is the tricky part. This is a blog, and a lot of people read it. (Thank you for reading it by the way, we are very honored that you like to spend time here with us!)  So anything I write is public, for anyone to read…old relationships can read, future relationships can read…it is a touchy thing, but I have never shied away from being real so…

I initially didn’t want a relationship of any kind. I wanted to be myself, or find out who that was. My ‘song’ was “Let me be myself”  I made some not so great decisions during this time.  It was a growth process, and for the first time in my life I experienced regret.  I quickly decided that being alone wasn’t something I wanted, so I did what every other self respecting person does when they don’t know what to do…I started an on line dating profile!  The first place I went was Match.  I paid for one month, and my first ‘perfect match’ was a dude by the name of “Moon King”.  Out of respect I will not post his picture or his profile (oh yeah, I totally saved it!).  However, he was not a suitable ‘match’ in any form of that word!  That was over 2 years ago, and my BIL still teases me about it to this day!  I got some other contacts, but I was quick to find out that we weren’t looking for the same things at all, so that membership did not get renewed.

Through this process, I had reconnected to an old friend from Jr. High via Facebook.  I thought what I needed was something completely opposite of my ex husband.  This guy fit the bill.  We had great conversation, good chemistry, similar likes and dislikes, so we started dating long distance.  I enjoyed the distance for the first several months (seeing each other once a month) for the simple fact that I still did what I wanted to do in my free time. The longer we went without seeing each other, the more frustrated I got.  He could sense my frustration and decided to come for an extended stay.  At this point I realized the problems with long distance dating. You are not seeing the entire person, you don’t get that person’s vibe…the day to day things that don’t matter when it is long distance all of the sudden matter…A LOT.  There were things that really bothered me, there were things that really bothered him.  (I have a pair of paint spattered shorts that are so comfortable, and I LOVE them…He HATED them.) LOL  That is something funny, but there were other things that just weren’t working.  The break up was difficult.  Why you ask?  Simply because I liked this guy…really liked him, but I just knew he wasn’t for me.  At this point I realized that there were a lot of things that I did like about my ex husband, and going opposite of him didn’t mean looking for opposite qualities in someone else…So I did what every self respecting person coming off of a rebound relationship does…I joined another on-line dating site.  This time it was CM.

I enjoy this site mostly for the chat feature (I am still currently a member:  SHOUT OUT TO MY 30’s ROOM CHAT BUDDIES!).  It has been a great way to meet people and make new friends!  I will admit that I am one of those naive people who think the best of everyone, and if you are on line dating, it isn’t that great of a quality to have.  I went on a couple dates right off the bat, and had a great time with some really amazing guys.  My problem?  No chemistry…That brings us to the difference between chemistry and attraction (another blog worthy thought I will not go into here).  I have had trouble finding the elusive ‘spiritual leader’ who has a bit of ‘an edge’ to him.  I still have contact with a couple of them, friendships were made, but no romantic interests.  I have had several more people ‘smile/wink/message’ me, but my thought process has changed just a bit.  While I started out wanting to find a potential mate, I have realized that I am okay just being me.  I have the kids, and they keep me occupied to say the least.  I have my family, friends, church, and work…Has God taken away my desire to be someone’s helpmate?  No, not yet, but I have peace about where I am and the decisions that I am currently making.  I will blog more about this topic because in writing this, several more thoughts were brought to mind, but I don’t want to make this post to long!   If you have questions or ideas, let me know!

Have a great week, and take a step back and be thankful for where you are in life!  Good things come to those who wait …

~s~