read the previous installment here…
Ben tilted his head, smiling quizzically, a little confused. His smile made my heart jump.
I’ll be honest here, I had tried to avoid him after the worship meeting. I had decided that suddenly I was a mature, confident woman who didn’t need a man. (clearly evidenced by my avoidance…) Every deflection mechanism was in strongly in place and I was reacting out of past hurts and not what was right or good.
However, he found me even as I tried to duck out.
I stammered again when he asked if I had read his note, both seeking confidence to speak and trying to not bruise his ego… we could still be friends, right?
Yes, I had got his note, I had my mouth open with a kind rejection.
Head tilted, he slightly smirked at me, “did you get our theme?”
I was halted- “hmmmmm?” Always a wordsmith.
He was kinder than he should have been. Gently, with a slightly scrunched forehead, “that is was a back to elementary school theme for our date?” Still no response from me, “I thought it might be more comfortable and fun if there were others in a group date setting.” Suddenly a slightly horrified look passed his eyes, eyebrows scrunched, “… you didn’t think I’d ask you out in a note for real… did you?”
I laughed, perhaps, more enthusiastically than I should have.
*
Our date happened, in all it’s epic glory of first dates of young loves, with the all the fireworks and fanfare. …and pumpkin innards.
The guys as part of the group date had each gone to a resale store and got an old lunch box, from the 1980’s and packed us a typical school lunch, complete with PB& J’s, cheetos and capri suns. We sat on the cold concrete benches at Wilson Park eating, cheesy fingertips wiped on much slimmer jeans.
I felt conscious of myself more than ever, my hands, my arms, how I was sitting… Being here in this moment, at a park I grew up playing at as a child, imagination wild, and then to sit here in the glory of freedom as a fresh adult was overwhelming and ironic. The rush of life happening at this moment was apparent to me.
We then carved pumpkins on Old Main lawn on the University of Arkansas campus at twilight. Fall hued leaves skittered across the chiseled names of past graduates as the sun set and I was unsure if I was shivering from a sun-depleted cold or adrenaline.
Looking back I see vague images of others being there on this group date but as only as shadows- I have no memory of talking or interacting with any of them on this group date, only him.
A small conflict came into play as we carved pumpkins. Ben wouldn’t touch the inside of the pumpkin and I had to clean it out on my own… I remember draping some pumpkin goo on his arm and seeing his repulsed reaction- the wide-eyed shock and horror and laughing at him. (however, I doubted if we would be compatible for a brief second…)
Conversation flowed easily and naturally eventually as my nerves calmed to a place I could be myself.
We made it through, making blanket forts with the others at his house and watching the Flight of the Navigator. Our socked feet touched a few times, like a non-classy Jane Austin moment, the subtle romance of appropriate physical touch that had all the sparks of a first love.
*
I felt that crazy place of utter contentment and home in his presence, the place of home but with buzzing electricity.
*
Then both of our lives and direction were radically altered by one singular event.