Another hard blog to write. Is it just my insufferable pride that wants everyone to think Summit is completely fine or is it just a sense of protection that moms have for their kids? I don’t know, either way, blogs like this are hard for me to write but good for my soul. Also, this way I don’t have to re-tell it to so many people. 
Ha ha, see I can still laugh! I’m listening to my favorite song of the week as I’m writing and it’s so fitting… “on my knees, make all resistance disappear…” I hope I don’t get in trouble for copying that… I need to check first before I quote that probably, I know nothing about copyrights and stuff. Check out Matt’s song at http://commonguild.blogspot.com/ I think it’s titled “Welcome Home”.
Anyway, Summit had his occupational (I think that is the correct word)therapy evaluation on Wednesday. Before I go any further I want to say that Summit is mentally fine as far as everyone’s saying at this point and in NO way do I want to compare what I am going through to a parent of a truely special needs child. I can’t imagine how hard that must be. It’s confusing to me. As I entered the building, a plaque on the wall read that the center was for Special Needs children, and I thought, “I’m in the wrong place”. Then I got inside and sat down in the waiting room and child after child walked by that had obvious mental/physical problems. They were precious and smiled at me -or Summit actually- and wanted to stop and say hi to “the baby”. I think I clenched him too tightly at point and just wanted to run out the door. I was trying not to cry.
He was in a great mood and loved the therapist who was amazing. All the new toys were exciting for him and to him it was just an extended play time. She made notes and I was so frustrated at Summit for not doing everything he was asked to do, I felt like a failure or something, then guilty for being mad at Summit. He was having so much fun. They have no idea why he is so behind, maybe it’s his eyes. At the end she said that he passed and would qualify for therapy. I was elated… for a moment… then realized that this wasn’t the kind of test you wanted to pass. Crap. She flipped through his notes and commented that he also qualified for the physical therapy. The good thing though in all of this is that he SOMEHOW qualifited for the state to pay for it so it’s all free. All the thousands of dollars payed into the system and I finally catch a break!
I’m OK. Not great, but I’m learning. I’m trusting. I’m hurting too, I’m human. I’m weak, but he is stong. God is good. I’m also tired from writing 2 blogs in a row so I’m going to bed.