“It might be a quarter life crisis,
or just the stirring in my soul” -John Mayer, Why Georgia
There is something sadly, youthfully tragic about growing up. It’s when the shine is off the world for the first time, a growing up and a separation, eyes opening wider and seeing things more sharply. It’s not that all is hopeless or gone, things are simply different and relating to the usual people and circumstances becomes a sudden challenge as you realize you aren’t who you used to be on a soul level.
I like to think of humanity all in itself sometimes. A colorful patchwork of living beautiful tragedy. Each of us has some deep rooted pain that we pour the salve of pretense over to protect ourselves. Boundaries are a good thing, as long as we aren’t pretending to ourselves. At the same time, sometimes I think pretense can be a coping mechanism to deal with things slowly or when we have time to really listen to ourselves.
I think Ben and I are in a quarter-life crisis, a mid-life crisis had early where the shine and luster is off… everything. He seeks to define himself in a work world and do something that matters and I am trying to figure out purpose, real community and moving past grief. It’s a weird thing to feel so old and jaded sometimes, yet have a passion for life, beauty and brokenness. I have good days and bad ones and on the bad ones I’m reminded why I need truth and grace entrenched in my life- and not only in my life but for me to crave as air.
Even though this is weird, uncomfortable and humbling, I don’t regret it. I don’t regret these last really hard 6 months, or the oddness of the last few years even. Normal isn’t in our dictionary anymore, but neither is boredom.