old-fashioned conversation vs. culturally relevant jargon

July 26, 2012 by · 19 Comments

I’ll be the first to admit this- I can be a bit slooooooow. I was slow to get Facebook, Twitter and Blogging- and really, really slow to get a Mac.

Don’t misunderstand that for laziness, I really didn’t see the need for any of that until I HAD it and then the lightbulb went off above my head, the “ahhhh, now I get it.” moment.  I suppose I can take this as far as conversationally I’m a bit slow. I never know the trendy, cool people sayings until they aren’t so trendy and cool and I show my age by saying something like, “as IF”  in a conversation, perfectly torn from the mid 1990’s.

I’m used to just not having hip jargon or knowing the street names for illegal drugs and I’ve accepted that I’m a bit of a square.  Wait- that is such an old school slam that there is a chance that is cool again, how very hipster of me…

Lately, however, I’ve been noticing an alarming trend in conversation that has me concerned. I don’t like this new commonplace saying that both my friends and co-workers regularly say to me. So admittedly- I’m a bit lost. Is this just something I need to jump on the trend bandwagon of and go with it althought it irks me? Or do I do the “be true to thine self” and tell people? UGH- my people pleasing side is plaster-smiled in overdrive and yet the truth is begging to come out from between my clenched teeth. What to do?

What, you ask, is this rude conversation trend that has you so upset?

OK, so I’ll tell you, but only after I share this one last plea: In this day and age of “instant” everything- we find ourselves running from the time we get up until that last email is sent at night. We work hard, play hard, text, email and multi-task ourselves into an efficient machine. We get double shots of expresso in the morning and double shots of tequila a night. Our phones beep with reminders and our online and physical calendars are highlighted with priorities. We google chat someone a few desks away instead of talking to them because it’s more to the point and we can keep working on that email while simultaneously chatting with 6 other people about different topics. We plan fun day trips, squeeze in play dates and try to be involved with community but even that feels forced and contrived sometimes. Life is busy and I’m starting to loose the ability some nights to “turn off” and relax, but I don’t realize I’m not relaxing because I’m in the zone and wired.

So, my pet peeve is sprung from conversation itself. With friends and co-workers alike, it actually started with friends and now I’m hearing it more other places so it’s contagious! Hah! Let’s take time to talk. Let’s be 10 words less efficient. Let’s build relationships as friends and take some time to listen. Not every conversation has to be focused and direct with that instant purposeful edge. Sometimes we need to chat without having to think too hard about it. Don’t misunderstand me- at work specifically there is a need for efficiency and we don’t need to be flippant or careless with out words but there needs to be some care and relationship as well.

Now that I’ve droned on and on, I’ll share with my specific pet peeve and stop being so general. I’ve heard this from almost every young person that I’ve talked to in the last month and I’m protesting that is must stop. It’s the “YeahYeahYeah” suddenly hitting you in the face. You are having a conversation, searching for your words, trying to share and then overrun with “YeahYeahYeah”. It’s like a verbal… not quite a slap but a pinch none the less. and it’s not just the words- it’s the TONE. To me, it says:

–“I’ve already heard you say that so stop saying it.”

–“I already know what you are about to say” (even though they don’t know what you are about to say)

–“You are wasting my time, get to the point”

Be honest- am I being waaaaay too sensitive? Am I just being a little cray-cray? Is this something I should just go with of or should I politely say- “umm, HEY LET ME FINISH MY DARN SENTENCE.” :)

Do you interrupt people with “YeahYeahYeah”? What does it mean to you if you do? Share with me so I don’t become a bigger dork- I need to learn, teach me readers!

Filed Under: All about ME · Tagged With: , , ,
  • http://twitter.com/MrsLSparacino Lenette Sparacino

    What?! How rude! I don’t often talk to young people at this point in my life, except my kiddos, so I don’t hear this. However, it strikes as VERY rude!

  • Heidi C.

    I’m wondering if they think it’s just an efficiency thing or “I hear you” – not sure how they mean it- I hope someone responds defending it so I can hear their side! 😀

  • http://tedrubin.com/ Ted Rubin

    Hear, hear Heidi. Happens everyday and my way of dealing is to either clearly say… “no, you do not know what I m saying or the point I am making.” Or I simply move away from communicating with that person. Remember… communicating requires “listening” and more importantly “hearing.” If you cannot take the moment to, at the very least, let me finish what I am saying… then you are losing all the benefits that come fro relationship building and truly connecting.

  • Sherryk

    And sadly to say I believe the first time you heard it was with me…. I feel like that for me when I say it it means I am really hearing what you are saying and that I think that I am understanding the page you are on… other wise I would say wait, go back a step, (which I do often too… haha) but I see where you are coming from totally but in my mind in process I am listening to you more intently… but perhaps not everyone who says it thinks of it that way. Others thoughts?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=927567 Arthur Tew

    I’ve found that replying with “No No No…” not only retakes the floor, but it also serves as a jump start to get you back on track with your point. Thanks for the thoughts, Heidi :-)

  • Heidi C.

    Thanks for commenting Ted! :) I’m honored! I agree that listening is so important and is so often overlooked- which is vital to the relationship building. Thanks for stopping by!

  • Heidi C.

    hah! I’ll try that next time! :)

  • Heidi C.

    ha ha! it WAS you Sherry! :) I was really hoping you would stop by today and explain your side! hah! Thanks friend!

  • Tama

    A linguistics professor said in a lecture that two negatives make a positive in every language, but that there is no language in which two positives make a negative. A colleague in the front row then said, “Yeah, yeah.”

  • Sherryk

    Honestly for me, I do it and don’t even realize it and in my head and heart I have good intent of trying to show that I am understanding you and if someone jumped back with no, no, no i would probably laugh in the moment to truth be told it would probably hurt my feelings more. If people are like hey, this is what I hear when you do that would help me. Heidi is the only person who I have been around who responded to it in any way and that is how we had a conversation about it. Like I said for me for me I am trying to show that I am really listening on with you, opposed to saying, “yeah”, or “right” which I often feel like people have created an art of responding in that way that sounds like they are listening but really are not. So maybe for some people it is a new way to show engagement and if they dont even know they are being rude so talking about it would be better. So I would challenge that you dont know their intent until you just ask. I also feel like you can tell the difference with anyone you are talking with if the response really is out of not listening or true engagement. =-)
    Those are my thoughts.

  • AK

    I say it for the same purposes as Sherryk, to mean, “I know what you mean, I get what you’re saying, I follow…”
    I do it without thinking and didn’t know it would be looked upon negatively. I will try to be more aware, or at least maybe wait until the end of a sentence to say it.

  • Jennifer_Woods

    Heidi, people have been that way for ages. When I was growing up in the ’80s people were like that, too. You do just have to take the converstaion back. Somebody mentioned “no, no, no” as a great way to stop them in their tracks. On the other side of the argument, if you find you very often get the “get to the point” message from many different people, then perhaps you yourself do actually have some difficulty with getting to the point. When I say “you,” by the way, I actually mean anyone who might be told to get to the point a lot.

    Rambling is fine when you’re chatting the night away with friends, because there is no point to make, you’re just happily filling your time with the companionship and whatever topics come up. At other times, when there is a message to be put across, especially in type, it is essential to have a discernable path. You need to take the reader along with you in one direction from start to finish, with clear steps along the way. You don’t have to be stiff and formal, particularly in a blog. You can still be personable and have a casual writing style, but if you don’t have at least a little structure and a sure direction, you can easily lose the reader. If they have to wrest their attention back from the wilderness and ask “wait, what?” more than once, they might end up, even if they’re generally polite, impatiently asking you to get to the point.

  • http://twitter.com/jackiewolven jacqueline wolven

    We are social animals – and the need to tell our story and be listened to is an important part of communication. Really listening, putting down the device, hearing what someone has to say is probably the kindest thing we can do for one another. You might like this piece I wrote… http://tinybuddha.com/blog/zen-business-peace-productivity/

  • Zach

    As if…. Whatever!!! I am totally with you on that one. Love this, and I do believe I’m going to link this on my blog!

  • Heidi C.

    That is so true! Thanks for the input- you are right- I am so purposeful in my blog writing and I do have a tendency to ramble in person- this is a great perspective, thanks for sharing it! :)

  • Heidi C.

    Thanks for the comment and viewpoint- I don’t need to be so sensitive about things either and I need to assume the best in people. Thanks for sharing!

  • Heidi C.

    :) HAH!

  • Heidi C.

    Thanks Sherry! :)) I love you! lol- you are an amazing sport and I appreciate you sharing your side of things! Thanks for letting me rag on you a little- hah!

  • Heidi C.

    Yay Zach! :)