{Kindergarten Woes}

he’s growing up…

 

I have a special needs child. But I am normal, I swear.

It’s not something that I usually ever talk about. I’m not sure why- I don’t identify myself as a special needs mom typically. Maybe it’s because his disability is pretty “easy” right now and I don’t feel the depth of it all, but in some ways that might be the best way to go through it.

It’s like getting in a pool, the way I like to, one footstep at a time, feeling deeply the slide of the water over my skin, inch by inch.

William's Syndrome

The initial diagnoses was a body shock to our lives but we’ve regrouped since then.

Bear has problems and we deal with things that a lot of other parents haven’t and won’t. We take him to therapy a few times a week. He had 2 surgeries last year. He has specialist doctor’s appointments, we are now gluten free because of him and the doctor’s words of he’ll never leave home, he’ll never drive, he’ll never marry, he’ll be mentally retarded loom on the back burner, simmering. I’m positive, believe and hope for the best however.

I don’t talk about it because well, people get uncomfortable when I do. They don’t know what to say and that is completely fine– but that’s not what this is about today.

He is starting kindergarten in the next month and I feel… terrified.

*What if he is bullied?

*What if the teacher doesn’t listen to him and he has a potty accident?

*What if he doesn’t make any friends?

*What if all the other kids are mean?

*What if he doesn’t thrive?

*What if …

I can’t look at his school supply list. I feel a heaving sob and just SHUT DOWN. The anxiety attacks are back. I guess Ben will have to shop for him- but then I worry…

*What if he doesn’t have the cool back pack? (Like I even know myself)

*What if the Transformers binders that he likes aren’t cool and the kids are more into Ironman?

*What if recess isn’t long enough and they tell me to medicate him? What if that’s the best choice?

*What if OH GOSH *he* is a bully? What then?

*What if…

Life is so completely unexpected. I have realized how little I have control over in my life. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I plan, hope, pray and help I won’t be able to save him from pain. From rejection.

I can’t protect him.

that grieves me to my core.

and I know how very normal that is for a mom to feel.

I’m so very normal.

 

  • jacquelinepresley

    Precious. I have the same fears for Katie.

  • donna adkins

    Heidi, as a teacher and parent I understand how you feel. Small children are, for the most part, kind to classmates no matter what. There are always a few, but most primary teachers try to build a classroom where all children are kind and accepting. It will get harder as he gets older, but he has great parents and you will be his strongest advocate. I hope he has a great year. Call me if you need school advice this year. I have 15 years in K and 9 in 1st. Love reading your posts!

  • Ellen

    Heidi,
    He has a very strong, loving beginning and I believe this will make a difference in his confidence and how he relates . . . and how he is related to . . . especially during these beginning years. He’s hard not to love . . . all he has to do is open his mouth and he makes one smile!

  • http://www.adollopofmylife.com/ lindseylu

    I love this. I will have (and have had) the same “what if” questions for my kids too. Praying for you as you start school…

  • Rebekah

    What if God walks with him through the days and makes them special for those who are around him because Summit is special? Not just special needs, but SPECIAL! He’s always going to have friends, he’s always going to be friendly and He’s always going to overlook things we worry about the most. God will probably teach amazing things through Summit and isn’t that what we all want for our own lives? God bless you and give you grit to drive on through your fears to the wonder of God’s abilties! (((HUGS))) Change your what if’s and your fears are removed.

  • http://TheBusyNothings.com Heidi

    Thanks so much Lindsey! I think every mom feels that way and I think that made me feel really normal. Strangely good!

  • http://TheBusyNothings.com Heidi

    Thanks so much Ellen! I would like to hope so- it’s just so scary to let him go. I know that God has a plan for him and I just have to trust that he will take good care of him!

  • Sarea Clark

    I cried when I read this. . .he is such a precious kid. If any kid decides to bully him, they will be sorry, Bear has a HUGE fan base! XOXO