I’m sugared up, ya’ll, so much so that I just used the word, “ya’ll” which, I never use either in my speech or writing being as I’m from Arkansas so the constant judgment is such against me that I try not to give fodder to fuel…
In part, my lack of desire to write or pretty much do anything lately has been a pride episode. I would like to think that I’m past that or above it – or just no where near such an ugly thing, but no, I’m human and a prideful one at that. I could be saying how YES, I’ve hit a brick wall living with my parents and I need OUT, but I didn’t want to construe an air of ingratitude, because it’s been a great almost 6 months. I’m just ready to move on. I think living here has been a refining thing, showing me all my ugly inside and breaking me down. I feel fresher, a new day, a new start is coming and I’m prettier for all that I’ve gone through. I actually had someone tell me that the pain has deepened and changed me, so that is a good thing although I still feel like the same person inside, craving a new pair of citizen jeans in a size I doubt my hips will ever see again…
The other part is- for those of you out there in cyber land who have noticed a dramatic change in my writing these last few months, it’s not just that my brain is lacking in creativity, it’s being leeched away from me- yes, I’m very inarticulately trying to tell you something. Are you picking up on it? It’s almost been 12 weeks now so I feel safe sharing. (sigh) and now you will be judging me for drinking all of that sparkling grape juice because it can’t be good for future offspring #2. 