hair whipping.
It’s been a rough couple of weeks.
Professionally and personally.
I needed an escape, to be able to breath again and I fled to Colorado with Ben (and no kids- THANK YOU FAMILY) to see my sister and feel something other than stress for a few days. We drove through the night and I felt exhilarated: exhausted, stinky, delirious and … at home. To see the peaks again from a distance was heart poundingly REAL. I felt like just falling onto the ground and weeping for reasons that make no sense and yet made all the sense in the world deep inside.
Life is exhaustingly confusing. Beauty from ashes and the like- my theme. I feel like I have such great direction and purpose but it leads me in a circles sometimes.
We drove on the highest highway in the United states today with the windows down, snow on the side of the road and 50-60mph winds blowing our hair into tangles. My sister and I giggled, snorted and took a ton of pictures. I felt age slipping away, forehead wrinkles relaxing and the stitch in my shoulders relaxing from its haunched stance. I watched elks, breathed deep, put my feet in freezing cold mountain water and then went down the mountain to a steak dinner and long islands.
I needed this, oh how I needed this.
I needed to think, needed to live and gaze at aspens. I need to start over, grow up and dream a new dream. That sound SO cheesy but just the last 1 and a half days have been therapy.
I laid in bed for 2 hours today, despairing over the lack of sleeping in, where has that ability gone? It’s a strange place to be when all the sudden you feel grown up and unable to sleep past 8 am. I tried though, closing my eyes, relaxing my body into the mattress and trying to think of nothing. I feel empty and full at the same time.
I need to give myself a break. I strive so hard to figure everything out that I miss the process sometimes, and I want to enjoy this, my every day gifted to me and listen for a whisper. I’m smiling now.
hanging on the top of the world.
at the top of the pass.
high up!
the boys...
sistas...