It’s still fairly green around here. I wore my minty lace dress with cap sleeves on Saturday and felt good. I feel so much like a woman when I wear that dress and less of the pretender that I typically feel in an adults body. The air felt invisible and I loved the toasty golden of the late afternoon sun as it kissed the wedding party we watched with blessings.
I’ve loved the stretched out feeling from summer, it’s final rays pushing out with wide reaching fingertips.
I’ve been staring outside my window admiring the wall of greenery I get to see everyday, punctuated by some color turning leaves screaming, “I won! I won!” like my 3 year old striving to get ahead.
The warmness of the earth with it’s sleepy hues.
I sigh out the air and think about digging in, like trench warfare, for the winter. My skin has the fall itch… some have spring fever but mine hits in the fall. My summer heat dulled mind is stirred and I crave life living and adventure making.
I quicken.
Most days I criticize this part of me, chastising for discontentment but today I embrace it. I ponder on the mysteries, deep places and beauty in life.
Then.
Grace. Thankfulness. Gratitude.
I try to capture each moment and squeeze the goodness out of it, wringing it fully and feeling completely.
I called today to schedule the CAT scan I’ve been putting off. That deep nagging feeling that something is wrong inside is back and I’m determined not to put my head in the sand, hoping that ignoring the monster will make it go away. I give my fear back, putting on again peace and trust like a thick blanket, needing the warmth and security like Bug with his taggie blanket.
I’m at peace again. I love that I have the security and trust of knowing there is a God that loves me a crazy amount in spite of all my short comings and failures.
Have you rested today? Been still and just listened? The silence is ear ringing until you hear that first whisper.