I have mentioned in a number of posts that my job is a little on the crazy, wonderful, unpredictable and amazing side on a regular basis, and the current post will only prove that in new and beautiful way.
I work with young adults with special needs.
My job challenges me everyday.
With that, this week I had a great example of watching someone struggle through something that we all struggle with but it was just very evident to see the truth of who my father is and how He loves by being on the other side of the situation.
I had a student who I had to gently correct this week. However, what this brought about for the rest of the day was an interesting series of events that made me realize a common struggle that I, and many others, have each day.
I had to talk to this student and correct him in the morning hours about something that was small and I quickly moved on from it in every way.
This particular student however, did not move on as easily, and it didn’t take me long to see that.
This student began watching my every move, I began to notice that at every chance that he had he would get close to me, and I quickly understood what was happening.
He told me many times how much he loved being here and how much he was my friend.
I began to see that he was trying to earn his way back into my good graces. He felt that he had to earn his way back into my heart, life and love because I had to get on to him earlier in the day.
So often we feel that the love of the Lord can be earned back just in the same way we pay for things in this world. But the Lord is not of this world and has no currency requirement of his grace and love.
The Lord began to speak to me and began to talk to my heart and spoke some really powerful things to me and it truly taught me about His heart and truth for his children.
I heard the Lord say “this is how I love my children and this is how my children respond to me when they have done wrong, they work hard to win my love back, but what they don’t understand is my love never changed.”
I began to see that the way I loved this student was exactly how the Lord loves us.
Just because I had to correct didn’t change anything that I felt towards him, I still loved him, wanted him here, accepted him just where he was, and in truth barely thought about the choice he had made that morning afterwards.
I so often feel such a need to earn my way back to the Lord when I feel that I have failed him in some way.
I feel that I have to do this and do that before I can come back to feeling his love. When the truth of it all is that the Love was never deeper than after that time of correction. I was proud of this student for making the right choices after I talked to him, I had a love for him that was deeper because I saw the good in his response.
This student didn’t have to do anything to win me back because I never went anywhere, and more so, my love never went anywhere, it never left him.
The students and staff for this year. We all dressed up really nice for church and felt we needed to take a picture. I am so privileged and blessed with these lives. These people are teaching me so much already this year. I love my life so much.
The Lord used this to show me that as His child I don’t have to work my way back into his good graces, that grace is what it is, love that is undeserved and didn’t come to me from merit and in light of this, will never leave me based on merit. His view of me doesn’t change based on every small choice I make.
His love never moves on a scale based on my earnings towards Him. I can earn nothing, which also mean I can loose nothing by the lack of earning.
When He chose me and I responded, His love purposed it’s self on me and claimed me as it’s own. This love is immovable even by my own actions, their is no earning system with the King of Kings.
There is no earning my way back to Him because it never went anywhere. Due to my own measure of judgement on myself and self determined shame I close my eyes thinking that, like a toddler, if I cant see Him then he must not see me. When the truth is that it is my own eyes deceiving me, causing me to believe that I am no longer in the same place, it is not His view of me, it is only mine… He never left… All I have to do is open my eyes to His love and unending grace.