“Every blessing you pour out, I’ll turn back to praise”
I think that is the lyrics, I have had that song stuck in my head lately. I can think of all that God has done in my life over the last year and see his hand print on my life. Most recently, last week we had some friends give us a check specifically for Ben’s back. I don’t even know how to say thank you, you can’t really, it’s such an emotional thing. We have been putting off getting his back fixed due to Summit and my surgeries coming up and now we can try and get him relief much sooner. It is such a huge blessing. Another thing, no less big, is that I had another friend call me and say her employer wanted to be my orthodontist for my jaw surgery this fall where I’ll have to go back in braces. (YIKES!) We’ve been putting off my surgery b/c of the additional cost of braces that insurance won’t cover. Thousands of dollars. We thought I may have to go to work even though neither of us felt a peace about it. When I said something like “well great, I’d love to go to him, he’s who I wanted to go to anyway, we just can’t afford it”- she said, “No, you aren’t understanding me- he wants to do it for free, all of it.”
What??? I blurted out “WHY?” b/c I’m smooth like that. “He wants his work to also be a ministry and when he heard about you he wanted to do this for you. All of it.” This is literal THOUSANDS of dollars. My God is Big. And he cares about me.
Last weeks highs have prepared me for this weeks lows. Do you know that feeling when you have your first heart-break? It becomes less gut wrenching quickly and more of a nauseous numbness where when you speak it’s through a painful lump in your throat. That’s kind of where I am right now. I would love to say that it’s over something other than Summit, but it’s not, and let me tell you people that don’t have kids yet: any pain you have felt before is nothing compared to that of hurting for a child.
I was expecting good news today at Summit’s check up… well, no, not ‘good’ news, but good old neutral Switzerland news. I combined his 12 month check up with the follow up appt. that my Doctor had wanted me to make for his developmental/eye problem. So, to prevent this blog from being 10 pages long, I’ll sum it up:
-Summit’s lack of growth (going from the 50%, to the 20%, to the 5%, to the 2%) is not good. He said I need to go see the genetics specialist in LR and that Summit does probably have a syndrome. When I said the therapist said he was fine and that all developmental issues were b/c of his eye problem and most likely would be over when he had his surgery, he just looked at me. No, he said, there are babies that are completely blind that are crawling at his age.
-When he was doing the routine listen to the chest and heart w/ a stethoscope he…kept… listening…. I knew he heard something when he started ignoring Summit. I began praying that he would hear nothing. When he finished, he said he heard a murmur and that there was probably a hole in his heart. He said that was not extremely abnormal, but that in conjunction with what I mentioned above meant possible really bad stuff. We’re going to get him an ultrasound, chest x-rays and an echo and one other test done asap.
He’s going to have to be put under for these procedures which was my main concern for his eye surgery. We maybe need to re-schedule his eye surgery now which is nothing really. We can keep patching his eye and keep hoping for a miracle. I am hopeful and I’m still joyful. Summit is so special and amazing. He has been a blessing to other people as well, even the nurses in the doctor’s office were distracted by him being so charming to them. I’d still take him the way he is rather than having a “normal” baby without problems and probably without his personalty any day. I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life that are helping me through this time. I’m hurting, but I’m still standing, or rather, kneeling. Please keep praying for us during this time as we’ll be making some hard decisions, thanks.