Lately, nothing in my life has seemed funny. Usually I can find humor in poop or puke- but to be honest, everything has been creepily normal lately in that dept. No cats maliciously vomiting in a spurned rage or Offspring reaching down his pants and coming out with some treasure that should have stayed buried… Oh, crap, actually, just the other week he did that at Best Buy. I must have blocked that out. Man. That was just horrible, he pooped out of his clothes and we were seriously washing poop out of his jeans and shirt in the bathroom and bathing him in the sink. By “we”, I mean Ben. I was unhelpfully dry heaving 15 feet away. The child only had a rinsed off fleece vest to wear out into the 40 degree weather. It was his fault though. I did feel the need to explain to everyone that stared at us that HE POOPED ALL OVER THE PLACE ON HIS CLOTHING. I’M NOT A NEGLIGENT MOTHER. I LOVE MY CHILD. EVEN THOUGH HE MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT SOMETIMES.
And that is how I make so many situations awkward.
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If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me, “Oh Heidi, only YOU,” I’d have like, $30, but the point is when does that become slightly insulting, like, OK, so what if I died my hair pink and wear crazy jewelry… that apparently only I can pull off? I *know* it’s suppose to be a huge compliment, but lately, I’m like, well, you can do it, you just DO IT, that’s all there is to this, it’s not like I’m some special weird person that can get away with everything- or am I THAT person? Great.
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I’m still obsessed with Muse.
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I have 2 Victoria’s Secret free panty and $10 off a purchase cards that have been glaring at me to use for the last couple of weeks. They are about to expire. I need new panties so I really need to get over my hatred of the flashily dressed mostly naked models that make the rest of us feel like lumbering cows and cause eating disorders in young teens. Oh Gisele and Adriana, you devils.
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I’m designing Summit’s toddler room in an nautical motif. and that is as far as I have got. This apparent brain freeze for the last few months has affected all areas of my life now. I am a zombie, void of life and all things that used to make me happy. I still like chocolate though, THANK GOD.
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My Facebook account hadn’t been working for the last 5 days or so and before that it kept kicking me off so I wrote the Facebook people, begging and bribing them to please help me, that Facebook was my life. Which, yes, that is a total lie. Facebook isn’t my life at all, but once it was taken from me, I was suddenly much more attached. Typical. So, anyways, the problem I was having apparently has caused several people to have to get new accounts and I was like HECK NO, I love my account and I told them if they fixed it that I’d make them chocolate chip cookies and mail them to them. Seriously. When suddenly my account was fixed a day later (when so many other people lost all their information) I know it’s because of my chocolate chip cookie bribe. I sent them a thank you e-mail and said for real I’d make and send the cookies to them. Which, now that I’m thinking, would probably irritate my sister to death since her birthday present has been sitting on my desk for the last 3 months, sadly reminding me of what a horrible sister I am. It wouldn’t be fair to make Facebook cookies and mail them if I can’t seem to get my act together for her. So, sorry Facebook, no cookie for you!
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Bad: I haven’t washed my hair since Friday night. Good: Hats are a very trendy and useful accessory this fall. (and I misspell the word accessory every time I use it.)
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We are looking at property now either to rent or buy. I have no idea what we are doing. I have this fantasy idea that this magical house that is perfectly sized, styled and located for me but I just can’t find it. Ben, on the other freaking hand, want the opposite of what I want. As in, he wants some crappy, large fixer upper and the one he’s interested in is in *Rogers*. Yeech. I’m a hippie loving, greasy haired, natural eating, I-hate-the-man Fayettevillite. Rogers is so snooty and rich. I’d soooo NOT fit in. (I mean, if Ben got a huge raise and I could buy nice clothes and join a gym and get a new car… maybe. 😉 )
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I’ve not been drinking (booze) or consuming caffeine for the last couple of months so perhaps this is why my brain seems so radically different and boring. I say that because I just had a sip of Ben’s coke and here I am, typing all the silly nothings in my head out for my blog like I’ve never been away. Or perhaps it’s the B-vitamins I started taking. I don’t know. I’m just saying…
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Yeah, so I think this is it. I’m tired and Sum has been wearing me out lately. He’s acting his age. Very much so. How can so much defiance, stubbornness and brattyness exist in such a below the height/weight chart tiny individual? I mean really. He’s like this bi-polar little person, set off into fits of rage at the most teeny-tiny of things. Such as, after eating a few cookies (3 more that I would have given him-BEN) throwing tantrum over them getting put up. When he still has a whole cookie in his grubby little paw. Or- OR, not wanting to leave therapy when playing with another kid there. UGH. He embarrasses me. I guess that is normal, which is good or something, but why can’t my child just be an angel and yours be the brat? 
Peace out. Yes. I just said Peace out. I’m that tired and don’t care what you say so blah.
PS. I have to add that my word press blog spell check is spell checking the word “BLOG”. Really word press? YOU ARE A *BLOG* HOSTING SITE! I mean really. No, I don’t want to use the word “glob”, “bog” or “slog”. What is a “slog” anyways, why is that a word and not BLOG???