In Regards to “No Really, I’m Fine” Read that first!
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it does hit me like a ton of bricks. The reality, the gravity of it all is confounding, confuddeling and confusing. There at times I literally can’t breathe because it is so much. It’s like all the air is being sucked out of my lungs rapidly and I bend over in agony. It is real, all so very real and it scares me. I think that THIS is where God had to take me to get my attention. I literally can’t stand it all, it is only with his grace and mercy that I can honestly say that I’m fine. Because the truth of it is that I am mostly. I am not perfect, I fall. I compare and contrast to the Joneses in my life. I want. I need. I despair. But my obstacles are so great I cannot overcome. If this pain was any less I’d be in a mental hospital, but because it is so great, I’m forced to recognize and fall into God’s arms. I’m not even on the rope, the end of it is on the floor 10 feet away.
I choke with grief when I think of Summit’s disability. I cringe when I’m asked where I live. Reality isn’t pretty, friends, but it’s tangible.
On the plus side, life is simplified drastically when you are focused on God and not this world. That’s it. Hope it made sense in spite of myself.