My sword I bought at the Medieval Fair
Hey friends, since we have posted on relationships, marriage, divorce, single living, loving a new life etc this week I thought I would share about my life. Now Sarea just posted recently about being a single mom and re-entering the rather wild world of dating again in “Single and Loving it?“, Sherry just shared an amazing post about life as a single gal in “13 Dresses and Counting“, being content being a bridesmaid and not a bride. My sister “The Busy Nothings” herself has been married for (almost) 10 years and has 2 boys. So we are all actually extremely different.
So a little about me:
1. Known my husband for 8 years, married nearly 5 of them.
2. No kids. Just 2 furry babies.
3. I LOVE being married
Ok so number three sounds super cheesy. But it’s true. I love being married, having a companion, a partner in crime, someone to share my life with. I feel like one of my purposes on earth is to encourage people in their marriages. I understand marriage is difficult, divorce is pretty much a normal thing nowadays, infidelity especially with the availability of pornography or other temptations online, people are working more, and generally- more distracted. Marriage vows these days say “As long as we both shall love each other” instead of “until death do we part”. The cynic in me says “enjoy it while you can.” The hopeful (shall I say Jesus) in me says- FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE- Whatever it takes.
This brings up one of my favorite movies of all time- Braveheart. As the story goes, young William Wallace returns from overseas to reconnect with his childhood sweetheart Murron MacClannough. They marry in incredibly romantic secrecy beneath the trees in a wooded glen in order to avoid the English law of “primae noctis”. This is the right imposed on Scottish brides by English lords, in this case the disgusting Longshanks, to sleep with the bride on the night of her wedding. When an English soldier attempts to rape Murron Wallace fights off several soldiers and the two attempt to flee. But Murron is captured and tied to the public square awaiting her fate. The look in her eye is one I can never get out of my mind. A look to the hills for her lover, her husband. A look of defiance in the face of death, knowing that her secret unlawful marriage may cost her life but- it was worth it.
I feel like so often we just throw our marriages away. Now I’m not ignorant, perhaps naive, but I know that not all marriages are destined to thrive. Abuse, abandonment and adultery are causes of so many failed marriages. However I think so often that marriages fail because we simply give up. Now I know I only have 5 years into a marriage but perhaps this can be a refresher for those who have been married longer.
My tips for a long lasting marriage:
1. Be present– I think this applies to all relationships but this to me means giving your undivided attention to your spouse. Genuinely- with eye contact and with your lips shut until he/she stops talking. Put your phone, laptop, ipad away. Reflect back what you are hearing. Process with each other. I understand those of you with kids think- yeah sure. You are one of those double income no kids couple- you have time but I don’t. Well don’t let that become an excuse to neglect your marriage. Your spouse comes first- always. I’ve heard a quote before that says “In order to be interesting, be interested.”
2. Physical touch– Even if you are not a touchie-feelie person- touch is what connects us. Men especially. We ALL know that. I’m not saying make out in public but make your affections known. Remember that saying from Mad Men’s Belljoulie lipstick campaign, “Mark your man.” He wants to know you think he’s hot and -hell yes- I want to know I’m hot too! NOTHING says this more clearly that TOUCH. You figure out which kind you want to give. 😉
3. Leave and cleave– “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh.” (Matthew 19:5 NKJ) I believed this so strongly that my husband and I left town. We first moved to Florida and now Colorado. During this time we grew so close together. I had no one else to turn to at first in a new place. When we fought, there was no where else to go but figure it out together. I feel like we have a closer relationship than most because of our reliance on one another. Now obviously not all couples can do this, I’m not saying you are wrong if you are still living in the same place your whole life- but you still need to leave. Go on a vacation somewhere far away. Some place with a long drive so you can talk. Or in a foreign place where you have to stick together. Believe me- Jesus put this in the Bible for a reason.
Vacation to Silverthorne in 2011.
Pingback: 10 Years {of marriage} |()