Part 2 of a two part series on listening
Why do people tiptoe around the issues? Silence is Golden is a bunch of poo. Unless you are drunk at a wedding and are contemplating making a toast to the happy couple. But really, when do people just stop asking the hard questions and politely stick to the fluff? When we know someone is hurting, grieving, why do we shy away from asking them? What- they may not want to talk about it? Most people when they are going through a hard time are aching inside to talk about it but it makes everyone so uncomfortable around them that they just hold it inside of them, like a slowly rotting poison of the heart.
Perhaps this is why therapists are so hot right now. Pay a person to listen and care about you! the idea is so pathetic- yet so appealing. Not opening up yourself to someone who will blunder through a half-way attempt at fixing everything and then hurt you by saying the wrong stupid thing. Not letting people see and judge the raw, ugly hurt inside. When did people forget the right way to listen? I’ve noticed over and over that everyone wants to be a fixer. They want the American-instant-gratification of having solved a puzzle, or fixed their wayward friend.
When someone is hurting and expresses that- that meaning they are probably so desperate to talk that they open themselves up- the wrong thing to do is offer advice or a bible verse. The RIGHT thing to do is listen and not judge. To empathize, to care. There is no time limit on grief.
I challenge everyone to ask the hard questions. The questions that make you sweat a little as the silence hangs in the air. Even if the person doesn’t want to talk, it means something to them that you cared enough to ask. Put yourself out there and you just may be surprised how much good you can do in someone’s life.